This meditation experience is assisting me in learning to be aware and appreciate the privilege of the ultimate connection to grace through gratitude. It is my connection to the divine. I am grateful for who I am. It has taken me many moons of being the black sheep of the family and learning about myself. But what I know now is that I am the author of my own story and I choose the chapter I want to write—day by day.
Reality is always personal based on each individual experience. Every one of my experiences is filtered through my core beliefs and attitudes. My emotions are always responding even when I am not aware of them. I know that I am unique in how I see the world and I have control over my individual reality. Only I can reassure myself. Only I can be the author of my own life story and my story can change. Every day is a new world with new possibilities. I am not the same person as I was yesterday and I will not be the same person tomorrow. Gratitude connects me to today’s reality. As part of my true self, the only constants in my life are existence, nature, grace, truth, and love.
When I make this connection to gratitude, hours and days stop feeling like the same thing. Repetition makes life stale. It brings boredom, indifference, and fatigue. When I keep repeating the things I have no real interest in, I can grow numb. Instead, I choose to experience life through the nature of being with horses. The continuity of the freshness in every moment I experience with horses delivers me grace. This is why I do horses. Every day is a new day. Every ride is a new ride. Every moment is a new moment. I never stop learning or growing when I am with horses. Without them, I would be numb and stale.
I have specific memories of an experience I had with an ex-boyfriend regarding my lifestyle with horses. On numerous occasions, he belittled my relationship and my love for horses by saying hurtful things like, “You repulse me because you wear cowboy boots to ride in.” Ultimately, I feel he blamed the horses and used it as an excuse to break up. It is very hard for me to find gratitude from that relationship. I know we had some good times and vibrated together in chemical attraction and at times on a spiritual level. But at the end of the day, I have strong physical sensations of pain and feelings of hurt and betrayal. It always made me question how someone could tell me they loved me, but then devalued the only unconditional love I have ever known from horses.
As a result, I have gained an even stronger love and appreciation for the horses in my life. Horses are not just a hobby. They are the only constants in my life. Horses are my existence. They are my connection to nature, grace, truth, and love. And for that, I am eternally grateful that the Universe brought horses into my life as a small child and that I will leave this planet with horses in my heart and spirit.
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